RELATIONSHIPS 101
- ih8g8rs
- Jul 29, 2014
- 4 min read
Let’s start with a seemingly simple question - How many relationships are you in? Now, list them. I’ll wait.
Some of you less adventurous ones probably only listed your spouse or significant other. Other stretched their imaginations and included their family and friends. Congratulations, you are both correct, but the list is probably incomplete. I’d like you to consider expanding your idea of what constitutes a relationship.
Did you include your children’s teachers? Or your lawn maintenance person? How about your car, yes your car. Do you know how much time you spend in your car and money that you spend on your car? You don’t have a car, you say? Your relationship with transportation is probably with your bus and rail commute or even your walk to and from work and home.
Your home, whether renting or buying is a relationship that is certainly a large part of your life. Ideally, you care for it, and it protects you and your family and stores your belongings.
What I am trying to say here is that we have relationships with more than just people and with more than just the usual suspects. Who and what you give thought, time and energy to for a significant period constitute a relationship. You are in several relationships, and they may be draining you or at the very least taking up in space in your life that can be used for more beneficial and worthy experiences.
With any relationship, it is always a good idea to do an assessment and evaluation every so often. Have you ever been on the other end of, “So, what are we? Where is this going?” Yes? Then you know the person asking has been doing some contemplating. Have you ever done that with relationships other than those with your close friends and family? If not, doing so may help you decide which relationships are worth continuing and which ones can head to the exit sign.
The first thing you should consider doing is identifying most, if not all, of your relationships. In my line of work, some may call them energy drainers or energy givers, but energy drainers seem limited and may block you from identifying those little connections that are glaring at you. I assume people can identify those queen-sized obvious relationships. But what about those small, hidden ones that we are not always conscious but yet we still share our resources and attention with them? Dozens of those little boogers can really add up and rob you of your energy.
Here are some examples of some relationships you may not have considered.
Obligations and promises: Have you agreed to any request of your time? Is the thought of not following through, yet, been weighing on your mind? Knowing that you have not completed an obligation can be weighing on you psychically and physically. I am not advocating that you throw away your to-do list but don’t let it boss you around.
You can also reduce the number of obligations and promises by learning how to say “no”. Of course, there will be a blog posting about this in the near future.
Related to the above - Unfinished projects/business: How is that garden going? What about the candle making project of 2004 Christmas past. Remember, you were going to give those as gifts but got too busy to make the candles, so you hurried to the nearest mall on Christmas Eve to begin shopping? Every time you walk into the garage, there is a reminder of the project you didn’t complete. Complete the project or pack it all up and give it away.
Related to first example - Human relationships: Are you in a human relationship that realistically serves no purpose? I recently discovered I was in a passive relationship with dozens of people on Facebook that when off-line we would never be friends. They seem like lovely people, but we have ZERO in common and a conversation past the obligatory “How have you been?” would be slow and awkward, so I let them go. You know how you feel after you’ve had your teeth cleaned? Yeah. that!
Inanimate objects: Do you have a printer that only works if you press the start button down until the print job is complete (I honestly don’t know where this came from)? Do you dread the thought of printing because you know it’s a raggedy piece of *train goes by*. Right now you can’t afford another but it is a good thing to realize that this relationship takes a little piece of your soul and when you can afford another printer---- oh what relief!
The best way to identify these relationships is to record your interactions for a week; interactions with people, thoughts, ideas, things, places. You’ll know it is a relationship because there should be an emotion attached to it. There will most likely be time attention and possibly financial resources allocated to this relationship. When you’re done, let’s meet back up to discuss how to decide what stays and what goes.
Until next time!
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